Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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