I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
