my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
