You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
