I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
