It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's never too late to be topless.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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