I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
