do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
