took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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