I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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