I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
