I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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