Me. At least after what I've been through.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
