Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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