i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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