its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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