I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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