I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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