dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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