there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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