I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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