Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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