i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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