you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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