I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
