I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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