Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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