I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
