Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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