How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
