final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
is it fun? or sober?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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