you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
