He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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