So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Vodka?
Forever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
