Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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