I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
