I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
