first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
