um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
