why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
