I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have tasted many bathrooms
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
