I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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