Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
