i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
