Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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