Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
