names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
