I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
