At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
