My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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