Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
