how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
